How do you discipline you kids?

[mousiness]

lol since most of you here have kids of your own, im wondering, how the hell do you discipline em? do you hit em? talk to em? or just the very saddening im very disappointed in you look? my parents give me the old im disappointed in you and will not talk to you method and give you that face, you know that face im sure all you do. so tell us some of your experiences personally or with your kids

[Scott]

Well depends which kid it is. One of mine gets talked to, one loses privilages and one does not sit down very easily after they get punished.

[werty316]

What would you do if you kids did this? Paint them white for painting your tv and carpet white?

http://img45.imageshack.us/img45/6250/8352vx.jpg

What ever happened to sending kids to the corner with their nose against the wall?

[mousiness]

oh my god thats a tough one, how about setting the paint on fire? lol jk id be baffled to what to do with em

[Das Capitolin]

I just spent two days with my step brother and his 4 year old son. I can tell you this much, if you don't keep your child in line and be very strict, you are going to have one spoiled pain in the ass to deal with.

[s_gibson]

I consider my children very well behaved. I'm sure every parent does though right? I don't mind spanking them in a heartbeat. My son is about 11 now, so there is getting to be less spanking and more loss of privileges, but I firmly believe that if you spare the rod you spoil the child.

I'm sure I have grief to come as my son is getting into his teenage years, but he does know he must obey me and respect his mother and not to do so would not benefit him at all.

There are 3 things that my children know will get them into more trouble than painting our TV white. Lying, cheating and stealing will get them in more trouble then nearly anything else they can think of. Honest and integrity are two things I want to teach them if I have to beat it into them.

[Coolest-Tech]

"My son is about 11 now, so there is getting to be less spanking"

Speacking of spanking, if my parents spank me, I hit them right back. :mrgreen:

I see no need for discipline.

[nam-ng]

"My son is about 11 now, so there is getting to be less spanking"

Speacking of spanking, if my parents spank me, I hit them right back. :mrgreen:

I see no need for discipline.
Up to 5 years of age children have the intelligence equivalent to smart dogs, they needed to be trained/taught as soon as they begin to comprehend your words.

Unruly, no-manner children are no diffrent than unruly, no-manner dogs that no one had ever bothered teaching them not to take a dump in their own house, or biting anyone they wanted to, the children will even play with and eat their own feces.

Left alone. Un-taught Children will acquire some very minimal rules/manners on their own as they age in random happenstance over much longer period of time. Basicly they will play with and eat their own feces until they found it disagreeable.

[werty316]

hehe its like the Dog Whisperer where you train/teach a child stuff hehe.

[Das Capitolin]

Up to 5 years of age children have the intelligence equivalent to smart dogs, they needed to be trained/taught as soon as they begin to comprehend your words.

Unruly, no-manner children are no diffrent than unruly, no-manner dogs that no one had ever bothered teaching them not to take a dump in their own house, or biting anyone they wanted to, the children will even play with and eat their own feces.

Left alone. Un-taught Children will acquire some very minimal rules/manners on their own as they age in random happenstance over much longer period of time. Basicly they will play with and eat their own feces until they found it disagreeable.

This is too true! I have a dog, and have said many times throughout his training that were I to have a child, I would hold the child to the same standards. I teach the behavior, and if it is not repeated then it is corrected.

[GIBSON]

I consider my children very well behaved. I'm sure every parent does though right? I don't mind spanking them in a heartbeat. My son is about 11 now, so there is getting to be less spanking and more loss of privileges, but I firmly believe that if you spare the rod you spoil the child.

I'm sure I have grief to come as my son is getting into his teenage years, but he does know he must obey me and respect his mother and not to do so would not benefit him at all.

There are 3 things that my children know will get them into more trouble than painting our TV white. Lying, cheating and stealing will get them in more trouble then nearly anything else they can think of. Honest and integrity are two things I want to teach them if I have to beat it into them.
I completely agree with you! I'm still too young to have kids, but discipline would be important to me. What i would add to your list of don'ts would be smoking and drugs, i believe it is important to teach your kids from an early age to stay away of these.

[Kougar]

I read/heard somewhere that by age 5 most of a child's mindset is already set. That is to say if you haven't taught him or her those critical values before age 5 then the damage is done, and you'll be playing damage control for the next 15 years... ;)

[mousiness]

hahahaha thats pretty cool no wonder kids dont gte fixed up

[mousiness]

"My son is about 11 now, so there is getting to be less spanking"

Speacking of spanking, if my parents spank me, I hit them right back. :mrgreen:

I see no need for discipline.
right back here my moms afraid of me so she uses a stick to move me places cuz she knows i can hit her back, same with my dad lol

[werty316]

So thats why you laugh at your sister, your a brat.

[Das Capitolin]

I read/heard somewhere that by age 5 most of a child's mindset is already set. That is to say if you haven't taught him or her those critical values before age 5 then the damage is done, and you'll be playing damage control for the next 15 years... ;)

Somehow I see that society has not caught up to this notion. Kindergarden and Preschool should both be very heavy with rule enforcement. Constant violations by children should make the parents go through remedial training.

[werty316]

Somehow I see that society has not caught up to this notion. Kindergarden and Preschool should both be very heavy with rule enforcement. Constant violations by children should make the parents go through remedial training.

How true, a bad kid is only as bad as their parents and how they taught them.

[GIBSON]

I don't know if you people know this feeling, but it's one i have frequently when i see some small kid touching everything in stores, screaming, jumping on furniture, not listening to it's parents. At that moment i feel like, why aren't you people doing anything, get up and stop nonsense, but no, they just keep saying "don't do that" which really doesn't help and the child just keeps going on... I kinda have the feeling too when i see how some parents spoil their one year old son.

[Das Capitolin]

Not very ironic, but I have been taking my son (he's a dog) to training since he was nine weeks old. For the past two years, I have watched the other "parents" do everything EXCEPT what the instructor has trained them to do.

If your child won't stay seated, then correct the child. The same rule applies in both worlds. Yet, I see pet owners giving their dog a treat just to make it do what they want. Image how they train their children: "Bobby, if you stay seated for five minutes I will buy you some ice cream". Rubbish.

[GIBSON]

Not very ironic, but I have been taking my son (he's a dog) to training since he was nine weeks old. For the past two years, I have watched the other "parents" do everything EXCEPT what the instructor has trained them to do.

If your child won't stay seated, then correct the child. The same rule applies in both worlds. Yet, I see pet owners giving their dog a treat just to make it do what they want. Image how they train their children: "Bobby, if you stay seated for five minutes I will buy you some ice cream". Rubbish.
I for one think they should do the other way around. "Bobby, if you don't stay seated for five minutes, you'll get punished" Would be more effective I think (especially in the long term).

[werty316]

You can't be too strick but too lenient either. The guy from the show "The Dog Whisperer" should do study on children's behavior and how they react to discipline compared to a dog's behavior and descipline.

[nam-ng]

Not very ironic, but I have been taking my son (he's a dog) to training since he was nine weeks old. For the past two years, I have watched the other "parents" do everything EXCEPT what the instructor has trained them to do.
Some people actually spent more time teaching their dogs to be good dogs and hardly any time at all to teach their children to be proper human beings.
If your child won't stay seated, then correct the child. The same rule applies in both worlds. Yet, I see pet owners giving their dog a treat just to make it do what they want. Image how they train their children: "Bobby, if you stay seated for five minutes I will buy you some ice cream". Rubbish.
Dogs are not children, they are incapable of the same learning ability as children. The rule not the same because dogs can not get smarter above dog-level as children could.
I for one think they should do the other way around. "Bobby, if you don't stay seated for five minutes, you'll get punished" Would be more effective I think (especially in the long term).
It is so. It's nearly impossible for a dog to learn to throw a fit because the dog had wanted to eat ice-cream, children always could learn to do so,"Bobby" will have even more fits/tantrums each and everytime he had urges for ice-cream.

[Das Capitolin]

Some people actually spent more time teaching their dogs to be good dogs and hardly any time at all to teach their children to be proper human beings.

Dogs are not children, they are incapable of the same learning ability as children. The rule not the same because dogs can not get smarter above dog-level as children could.

It is so. It's nearly impossible for a dog to learn to throw a fit because the dog had wanted to eat ice-cream, children always could learn to do so,"Bobby" will have even more fits/tantrums each and everytime he had urges for ice-cream.

To be fair, I don't have children and really don't desire any. I have a dog. He is only a dog, but at least he is much better trained then most humans.

[tomato]

Yeah, when it comes down to it, a dog is a dog is a dog... (not that there's anything wrong with that ;))

I don't have any children either, but plan to do so within the next 5 years :)

As for discipling them, after helping to baby-sit/raise 2 siblings and 5 younger cousins, I'd like to think that I have a pretty good handle on things... that and the seemingly hours of watching Supernanny/Nanny 911/all of those other "teaching you how to raise your kids" shows... the wife loves'em all :(

[whowalks]

I use the naughty corner method for my youngest as nothing else work she was a real **** head as a toddler but it all paid of and shes fairly good now

I think you should treat ya kids like dogs :confused: :confused: :confused: :paw: :paw:

eg fix boundries rules and punishments reward and encourage good behaviour and have a larger bark than bite

anyway that works for me and i have 3 girls (poor me ) Ps if you get any Ideas I do know how to kill and leave no evidence (years of army training and working as a nurse in ER):mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :grin: :grin: :grin:

[ToXic_WaSTe]

Ps if you get any Ideas I do know how to kill and leave no evidence (years of army training and working as a nurse in ER):mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :grin: :grin: :grin:

Yep, its called reading aloud the sunday times, would kill anyone listening. (or at least the danish sunday newspaper, sooo boring)

[Das Capitolin]

I use the naughty corner method for my youngest as nothing else work she was a real **** head as a toddler but it all paid of and shes fairly good now

I think you should treat ya kids like dogs :confused: :confused: :confused: :paw: :paw:

eg fix boundries rules and punishments reward and encourage good behaviour and have a larger bark than bite

anyway that works for me and i have 3 girls (poor me ) Ps if you get any Ideas I do know how to kill and leave no evidence (years of army training and working as a nurse in ER):mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :grin: :grin: :grin:

So this brings up a good question: Do you decipline all children equally? Or do boys require a different sort of punishment from the girls?

[BlackStar]

Each child is different and requires slightly different training.

When my oldest son was 10 -11 months old and crawling around, he found the electrical outlets and tried putting his little fingers in the holes. I would stand next to him and say "no" while giving his hands a small slap. There was no physical harm - but it got his attention. After only 2 or 3 times of this, he never tried to put his fingers in the socket again.

My daughter, however... When she was at that age and exploring, she also found the outlets. But when I said "no" and slapped her hand, she looked at me with such a defiant look and purposefully put her hand to the outlet again to see what I would do. It took a bit more training, and included just removing her from the area before she would leave them alone.

I reserve physical discipline for serious matters. I wanted my kids to know the electrical outlets were dangerous, so a small hurt from me (slap on the hand) was far better than the hurt from electricity. A spanking from me is better than being hit by a car, so I train them to 1) stay out of the road and 2) listen to my voice and obey. Much better for me to yell “stop” and have the kid actually stop than to say “I’m counting to three...” while he keeps running into traffic.

Classical conditioning works well for young children. You have to be careful what you use for a stimulus, though. If you always count to three, say their full name (including that dreaded middle name) or raise your voice to a screeching level, then that’s what the child learns to recognize as the real stimulus and will ignore you and disobey you until you reach that level.

Spanking or other physical punishment is for getting the child’s attention and is not a vehicle for the parents to vent their anger. All discipline should be done with a calm, controlled voice and manor. Yelling and screaming at a child only teaches the child that yelling and screaming is an acceptable way to act. Spanking in anger only teaches the child that hitting is an acceptable way to deal with someone with which you are angry.

But physical punishment, applied with love and instruction, is only rarely necessary once the “classical conditioning” is done.

[Kougar]

Those are some very wise words there Blackstar, that I think a great deal of the paranting population, heck, even those without kids could learn from if they actaully sat down and read your post.

I especially agree when you say each child is different, as I do not think gender really plays as much of a role in these differences as people tend to immediately assume.

[GIBSON]

I am going to have to second what Kougar said, there is a lot of wisdom in your post blackstar! After reading your post I'd say you are one of the small amount of parents around that actually know how to discipline his/her kids in a good way and pave the way to a good future for the children and for society. Congrats on that and I really mean this!
I also like how you are not afraid to give a smal "lap" on the hand when necessary. I feel this is really necessary at certain moments. Though I am opposed to violence, I don't exagerate it like some people who think even this should never be done. (From my experience they tend to end up with totally unhandable kids as they were much too lax on them.)

[ToXic_WaSTe]

I would never hurt my children in any way, i know a slap on the wrist isnt as bad as a spanking.. I dont believe that spanking helps you in any way.. then its not respect that control them, but fear of you.. :S

[werty316]

Any form of physical contact which includes slapping is abuse. Slapping is just as bad as spanking but spanking is more humiliating. Any kind of physical retaliation just worsens the situtaion and I don't think any parent should consider it.

[Kougar]

Any form of physical contact which includes slapping is abuse. Slapping is just as bad as spanking but spanking is more humiliating. Any kind of physical retaliation just worsens the situtaion and I don't think any parent should consider it.

Then how would you maintain discipline? Simply removing privileges does not have much if any effect, and yelling at the kid until you are hoarse has absolutely none. I've seen the former with my sister who lost TV privileges for more than a year, then computer, then pretty much everything. Sure it got her more into reading books, but she knew to go to her friends place to watch TV or movies... As for the latter, I see that almost everytime I visit a store. :roll:

[BlackStar]

Any form of physical contact which includes slapping is abuse. Slapping is just as bad as spanking but spanking is more humiliating. Any kind of physical retaliation just worsens the situtaion and I don't think any parent should consider it.

I'm inferring from your use of "slapping" that you mean "slapping across the face" as opposed to a "tap" or "other mildly anoying feeling to the hand". It probably wouldn't help if I chose a different word than "slap" since you seem to oppose "any form of physical contact". With my youngest, I usually use a finger "flick" (we used to call them "beakers" in grade school). It's quick and unpleasant, but not bruising or otherwise harmful.

You are correct: Retaliation is not the answer. Using a child as a punching bag to vent your anger is not discipline, it's abuse. Even if you don't use physical discipline, you should not react in anger.

Also, I am specific in the use of physical contact for young children that don't have the verbal ability of an adult or even older children. The child must learn to associate the word "no" with something unpleasant, yet I can't explain in words to a 10 month old. But she has the ability to reason - to understand actions and reactions. By applying a little discomfort now, we can avoid major hurts later on.

As stated earlier, we tend to spend more time training dogs and horses than we do our children. I don't know any good trainers that beat their animals. Those that do can get an animal to obey out of fear but it often will only obey when the trainer is around.

Kids turn out the same way. If they are physically or emotionally beaten, they will appear to be obedient but will constantly disobey when no one is looking. They may run away when a teenager, or certainly in college they'll break every rule that was on them when growing up.

I haven't had to spank my 11 year old for several years. We're (mostly) beyond the need for that sort of training. We're at a point where we can talk about his emotions, why he did this-or-that, and what a better way to act would be. He may ask "can I do something" and if I say no, he says "OK" and finds something else to do. No whining, no tantrums. However, when his sister starts bugging him, he gets EXTREMELY frustrated because he knows he's not allowed to hit her but he can't think of anything else to do. So he ends up yelling at her.

When that happens, I take him aside and we talking about avoiding that situation, or whatever it is. (We also end up wrestling - it's a great way for him to vent that emotional energy without beating on his little sister. As he gets bigger I may have to find another outlet.) Perhaps we do a bit of role-playing to act out a situation and what the different responses could be.

There are several things that go on in training my children. Physical discipline is such small part but that's what we tend to focus on. I do believe it is necessary to the proper education of children.

I have to admit there have been a few times I've had to go to my kids and say, "I was wrong when I said 'thus-and-so'. I was angry but that doesn't make it right. I'm sorry. Would you forgive me?"

That's a tough thing to say as "Dad" but just as important as any other lesson I can teach my children. I'm not setting impossible goals for my children. The goals are high, sure. But I'm trying to reach them WITH my kids and avoid "do as I say, not as I do" hypocracy. By admiting my failures and seeking their forgiveness, I open the way for them to come to me.

That's love.

[Bio-Hazard]

I'll freely admit I'm old military hard core and have ruled in the past with a iron hard. I raised 4 children that way and they all came out OK. Do I feel bad about the way I raised my kids, nope, would I do it the same way over again if given the chance, you bet your ass. Nothing like a good old military up bringing to make a real person out of you.

[ToXic_WaSTe]

I dont have children but my parents never hurt me and i have a deep respect for them. Maybe its because of the privilges i got when i was a child. I was given more responsibility and therefore i acted more responsible, But this might just be the way we do things in Denmark. I havent met anyone in the US that was allowed to ride the bus downtown when 13-14 years old..

[Das Capitolin]

Each child is different and requires slightly different training.

When my oldest son was 10 -11 months old and crawling around, he found the electrical outlets and tried putting his little fingers in the holes. I would stand next to him and say "no" while giving his hands a small slap. There was no physical harm - but it got his attention. After only 2 or 3 times of this, he never tried to put his fingers in the socket again.

My daughter, however... When she was at that age and exploring, she also found the outlets. But when I said "no" and slapped her hand, she looked at me with such a defiant look and purposefully put her hand to the outlet again to see what I would do. It took a bit more training, and included just removing her from the area before she would leave them alone.

I reserve physical discipline for serious matters. I wanted my kids to know the electrical outlets were dangerous, so a small hurt from me (slap on the hand) was far better than the hurt from electricity. A spanking from me is better than being hit by a car, so I train them to 1) stay out of the road and 2) listen to my voice and obey. Much better for me to yell “stop” and have the kid actually stop than to say “I’m counting to three...” while he keeps running into traffic.

Classical conditioning works well for young children. You have to be careful what you use for a stimulus, though. If you always count to three, say their full name (including that dreaded middle name) or raise your voice to a screeching level, then that’s what the child learns to recognize as the real stimulus and will ignore you and disobey you until you reach that level.

Spanking or other physical punishment is for getting the child’s attention and is not a vehicle for the parents to vent their anger. All discipline should be done with a calm, controlled voice and manor. Yelling and screaming at a child only teaches the child that yelling and screaming is an acceptable way to act. Spanking in anger only teaches the child that hitting is an acceptable way to deal with someone with which you are angry.

But physical punishment, applied with love and instruction, is only rarely necessary once the “classical conditioning” is done.

This is the official "Parent of the Year" award post. If you have ever had sex, you should read it.

As for physical contact being abuse: that is incorrect. Abuse is using force above an beyond the acceptable norm in an attempt to cause harm or injury. Slapping a hand, wrist, or butt is not going to accomplish either of those, so they are fine in moderation. Of course, if you use a belt, you have just introduced a weapon.

[ToXic_WaSTe]

As for physical contact being abuse: that is incorrect.


Disagree, there are plenty of ways where you dont have to be physcical, I know I dont have children, but I turned ouit better then most, and my parents never used physical contact. :???:

[XJnine]

I've read through this thread and I've come to one quick conclusion: If you don't have kids you shouldn't be replying.

I have 3 kids at home ages 8, 4, and 3. Trying to imagine what you would do if you had kids is so incredibly different than actually having them that the opinion of someone without kids really means nothing. Those of us with children will automatically discount what you are saying because you really have no clue when it comes to this. I'm not trying to be rude, it's just the truth.

Do I spank my children, yes. Do I run around the house beating them senseless because they spilled some milk, hell no. There is a time and place for many types of discipline. Nam-ng got it right when he said young children are similar to dogs. Sometimes you have to use a bit of a heavy hand because they just don't have the ability to understand logic, reason, and the verbal discipline that I'm sure we would all prefer to use rather than physical discipline.

[whowalks]

Those are some very wise words there Blackstar, that I think a great deal of the paranting population, heck, even those without kids could learn from if they actaully sat down and read your post.

I especially agree when you say each child is different, as I do not think gender really plays as much of a role in these differences as people tend to immediately assume.


I agree with you and blackstar
each of my kids is a different as chalk and cheese and thus need a different approach however " united we are strong divided we fall" rings very true with kids you need to be a united front and set strong boundries yadayada Like I said before.:mrgreen:

also just because "I was never spanked yadayada" worked for some doesnt mean it will work for all. My youngest is 7 yrs old, blond hair, blue eyes slim looks like an angel and is able to manipulate most parents and teaches with one natural look (god help her boyfriends when she's older) Thus I have to be extra carefull i recognise that and treat her fairly and stronge. She's the one we had to make the naughty corrner for and she tryed everything to get out of it. drew on the walls pissed herself there lots of crying (this is all as a toddler) but because we were persistent and united she has turned out as a great little kid instead of a spoilt little **** (like some of her friends)


Ps when she was young we almost gave her to that bloody dingo (sorry ausy joke Kinda international)

[ToXic_WaSTe]

I can still disagree with you.. Its a modern world and people shouldnt hurt their children. Now i wont post anymore, because you've probably outruled all other options than hurting your child and that is your choice.

But its a free world:P Thx for letting me have my say.

[GIBSON]

Whowalks is right IMHO when it comes to being united as parents. When a father tells his kid he/she can't do this or that and then he/she goes to his/her mother who gives in, then their might come problems because of this.

[XJnine]

Now i wont post anymore, because you've probably outruled all other options than hurting your child and that is your choice.

You're hurting your child more by not disciplining them properly and sometimes that means physical discipline. I can almost guarantee you that your parents gave you a little slap on the wrist on a spank on the butt when you were far too young to remember it.

The thing I find most concerning is that you actually believe that a spank on your childs butt or a slap on the hand is HURTING them. There is a difference between pain and hurt.

[ToXic_WaSTe]

You're hurting your child more by not disciplining them properly and sometimes that means physical discipline. I can almost guarantee you that your parents gave you a little slap on the wrist on a spank on the butt when you were far too young to remember it.

The thing I find most concerning is that you actually believe that a spank on your childs butt or a slap on the hand is HURTING them. There is a difference between pain and hurt.

That might be, and i may be a bit hard when it comes to a slap on the wrist. But when a hand is near any bottom, i disagree. It isnt respect its Fear that controls your children then.

I'm begining to see the point in a slap on the wrist(reread the post) just to whow it is wrong, but disagree with spankin 110%.

[nam-ng]

The previous parents I'd met which followed non-spanking policy with their children and be their children best friends - their 6yr old son called his mom "fat-*****" and their 8yr old son called his dad "mother-****er".

They are no more than a family of dogs that could talk.

[ToXic_WaSTe]

The previous parents I'd met which followed non-spanking policy with their children and be their children best friends - their 6yr old son called his mom "fat-*****" and their 8yr old son called his dad "mother-****er".

They are no more than a family of dogs that could talk.

So you are saying that all the children you know, that were never spanked turned out bad? :???:

This might just be because i'm from denmark and we do thinks differently but i only know one child/person(17? if thats a child if not a teen then) who was spanked and he hates both his mother and his father. The only reason he doesnt move out is because he isnt 18 yet.

Everyoe else i know were never spanked and the love their parents. Its probably a culture thing, and i actually believe its illegal in Denmark to hit your children(including spankig) but ill have to check that one out.

[nam-ng]

So you are saying that all the children you know, that were never spanked turned out bad? :???:
I don't know about "all the children", I only recognized factual occurences I had seen. The father mentioned above, dragged his 8yr old son and locked (locked with a key because the 8yr old would not be still in the room if the door not locked) the kid in his bedroom for time-out, all during that time the kid was screaming "mother-****er" at the top of his voice. I supposed the father was actually trying to teach his son manner and respect.

This might just be because i'm from denmark and we do thinks differently but i only know one child/person(17? if thats a child if not a teen then) who was spanked and he hates both his mother and his father. The only reason he doesnt move out is because he isnt 18 yet.
"he hates both his mother and his father"? You should tell the parent that they are in Denmark and they should think and do thing differently. Do the Denmark parent thing - whatever that is which you already had known and it should work.

Everyoe else i know were never spanked and the love their parents. Its probably a culture thing, and i actually believe its illegal in Denmark to hit your children(including spankig) but ill have to check that one out.
How do parents in Denmark teach their 6/7-month old children not to play with and eat their own feces? Ask their 6/7-month olds to "respect" their parent wish for them not to do so? Waggle the fore-finger in their faces and repeat "no" firmly?

In many parts of the world other than Denmark most 6/7-month olds barely even comprehend the word "no". I myself utilized pain to make my children associate their disagreeable action with disagreeable feeling as they didn't comprehend my words but they did know about pain.

[ToXic_WaSTe]

As i said before I dont have children myself, so "I" cant say. But if you disaplin your kid properly he wouldnt go calling anyone "mother-****er." The kid shouldnt even know the word. Kids pick these things up somewhere, and if not from home, where then?

About the last situation, i would say NO, and show that you dont eat or play with your own feces, and show how to Flush it and maybe make that fun... Flushing your feces is more fun then eating it, or at least i'd like to think so.

[GIBSON]

As i said before I dont have children myself, so "I" cant say. But if you disaplin your kid properly he wouldnt go calling anyone "mother-****er." The kid shouldnt even know the word. Kids pick these things up somewhere, and if not from home, where then?
Kids pick these things up from: school, friends, television, films, ...
Usually they won't get these words from their parents!

[ToXic_WaSTe]

Kids pick these things up from: school, friends, television, films, ...
Usually they won't get these words from their parents!

No 8year old i ever met knows the word "Mother****er". Not even my kid brother who is 11 knows any swear word. Televison and films have laungage warnings and in school anyone saying these words will end up with a serious talk in the principals office. Friends saying these words in that age are not to have contact with my child... So you can easily ask, if not the parents? is it still not the parents fault?

[XJnine]

I can tell you from experience with my 8 year old that things can be difficult. It turns out that a girl that he's friends with in his class has a pretty bad family situation. She has a sister that openly talks about sex and other adult things in front of her. This of course led to her talking about these kind of things to the other kids in her class during recess when they were out of earshot of the school administration. Eventually some of that stuff came home because my son had no idea what this stuff meant. We promptly discussed things with him, contacted the school and the parents of the little girl but the things had already been passed on to my son.

Am I a bad parent for my son learning about this when he was 8? I don't think so. I really had no wat to prevent it and I took action to correct things as soon as I found out. Luckily my son is a good kid and none of this stuff comes up in conversation or the like. Some children however aren't as well behaved and once they learn certain words or certain things they use it as ammo to upset their parents even further. That's where additional discipline may need to come in.

Again Toxic, wait until you have kids. You will see that things are vastly different in the real parenting world than they are in the way you think they are or how they should be. This type of talk is just as forbidden in my childs school as they would be in a school in Denmark. But if the school administration doesn't hear it going on and the kids that are hearing/learning this don't know it's bad (yet) they don't know that they should report this type of behavior. If they know it's bad, they already know the words anyways! It's not the picking up of the language, it's the behavior and maturity of the child. I'm sure your brother knows some swear words, he's just a good enough kid to not use them and even deny he knows them because he knows the language is improper.

[ToXic_WaSTe]

I can tell you from experience with my 8 year old that things can be difficult. It turns out that a girl that he's friends with in his class has a pretty bad family situation. She has a sister that openly talks about sex and other adult things in front of her. This of course led to her talking about these kind of things to the other kids in her class during recess when they were out of earshot of the school administration. Eventually some of that stuff came home because my son had no idea what this stuff meant. We promptly discussed things with him, contacted the school and the parents of the little girl but the things had already been passed on to my son.
Your right and that is exactly what i would do, but there is no spanking in this situation


Am I a bad parent for my son learning about this when he was 8? I don't think so. I really had no wat to prevent it and I took action to correct things as soon as I found out. Luckily my son is a good kid and none of this stuff comes up in conversation or the like. Some children however aren't as well behaved and once they learn certain words or certain things they use it as ammo to upset their parents even further. That's where additional discipline may need to come in.

Well its all about children learning these things early, and thats the case. The child has to be raised good to begin with before these situations arise, and they wont go doing like other kids. Like with kid screaming "Mother****er", he should have been reaised better earlier


Again Toxic, wait until you have kids. You will see that things are vastly different in the real parenting world than they are in the way you think they are or how they should be. This type of talk is just as forbidden in my childs school as they would be in a school in Denmark. But if the school administration doesn't hear it going on and the kids that are hearing/learning this don't know it's bad (yet) they don't know that they should report this type of behavior. If they know it's bad, they already know the words anyways! It's not the picking up of the language, it's the behavior and maturity of the child. I'm sure your brother knows some swear words, he's just a good enough kid to not use them and even deny he knows them because he knows the language is improper.

No doubt i will learn more once i get kids of my own, and my kid brotherprobably knows some words but again its about children learning this as early as possibly... ;-)

[Kougar]

No 8year old i ever met knows the word "Mother****er". Not even my kid brother who is 11 knows any swear word. Televison and films have laungage warnings and in school anyone saying these words will end up with a serious talk in the principals office. Friends saying these words in that age are not to have contact with my child... So you can easily ask, if not the parents? is it still not the parents fault?

I would be shocked that any 11 year old does not know a few swear words. My sister knew plenty at that age, although she knew well enough to not go saying them, and she even grew up in a religious family going to a private school.

If they don't know at least several by 8, then they will have it down pat by 5th grade. Not all public schools are this way, but I think it's safe to say if it's not a near 50/50 mix than more of them are, then are not. Especially once you move into the lower-middle class areas of your city and visit some of those schools as I have. If they don't pick it up from a parent, then they'll hear it from their friends, the school bullies and malcontents, or even their friend's parents while they're over visiting. I can't speak for Denmark, but I can speak for the US, and even the UK.

XJnine's point about some children only using such language as ammo is very true, and that I can attest to seeing (Or hearing) when in public. My sister used to do the same to push my mother's buttons as a last sort of revenge, because she knew she lost the war, but could win that one last battle.

[ToXic_WaSTe]

No doubt i will learn more once i get kids of my own, and my kid brother probably knows some words but again its about children learning this as early as possibly... ;-)

well that should be an okay reply, read the post above yours::wink:

[GIBSON]

No 8year old i ever met knows the word "Mother****er". Not even my kid brother who is 11 knows any swear word. Televison and films have laungage warnings and in school anyone saying these words will end up with a serious talk in the principals office. Friends saying these words in that age are not to have contact with my child... So you can easily ask, if not the parents? is it still not the parents fault?
Are you kidding, damn, I knew those words when I had that age. And I did learn them from the things I named!
EDIT: Are you starting to reply to yourself now toxic? (see post above) That's kind of taking things a bit too far now!

[ToXic_WaSTe]

Are you kidding, damn, I knew those words when I had that age. And I did learn them from the things I named!
EDIT: Are you starting to reply to yourself now toxic? (see post above) That's kind of taking things a bit too far now!

HA HA HA, just to show that it had already been answered in some way... But this is turning into a "Hey i wanna hit my kid so you Shut up Toxic_waste competition" :lol: or something. Think i made my point clear, I believe we can move on now :wink:

[werty316]

No 8year old i ever met knows the word "Mother****er". Not even my kid brother who is 11 knows any swear word. Televison and films have laungage warnings and in school anyone saying these words will end up with a serious talk in the principals office. Friends saying these words in that age are not to have contact with my child... So you can easily ask, if not the parents? is it still not the parents fault?

Theres nothing to stop kids on learning from what other kids say during "recess". Kids will take in what they hear and see and do the same if no influence says its bad and not right.

[ToXic_WaSTe]

Theres nothing to stop kids on learning from what other kids say during "recess". Kids will take in what they hear and see and do the same if no influence says its bad and not right.

There is dont agree with you, you can teach your kid right and wrong and if you have thought your kid enough and they are mature enough they know what is apropoiate to say.

Today the problem is no longer kids not being mature enough, but the level of responsibilty kids and teenagers are given...

Already at the age of 16 they have to choose what classes to take and which gymnasium to go to, these choices have effect on the rest of their lives. They are essentially chosing which career they want when they are 23-27 years old. That is also why a lot of kids turn to drugs and alchohol, in Denmark the biggest problem being alchohol. Teens take refuge from choices and maturity at parties because they have the ability to get loaded and forget everything and act stupid.:???: (took a different turn here, sry)

[s_gibson]

From many of the replies I can see many of you don't have children and a lot of growing up to do yourselves.

Ha ha, Besides many of the other comical things I've read, I'm still chuckling at those that liken raising children to training an animal.

[werty316]

There is dont agree with you, you can teach your kid right and wrong and if you have thought your kid enough and they are mature enough they know what is apropoiate to say.

Today the problem is no longer kids not being mature enough, but the level of responsibilty kids and teenagers are given...

Already at the age of 16 they have to choose what classes to take and which gymnasium to go to, these choices have effect on the rest of their lives. They are essentially chosing which career they want when they are 23-27 years old. That is also why a lot of kids turn to drugs and alchohol, in Denmark the biggest problem being alchohol. Teens take refuge from choices and maturity at parties because they have the ability to get loaded and forget everything and act stupid.:???: (took a different turn here, sry)

Since when are kids mature? Kids absorb everything around them like a tampon.

[GIBSON]

Since when are kids mature? Kids absorb everything around them like a tampon.
LOL werty! :mrgreen: Anyhow, he probably meant you have mature teenagers and well, immature teenagers. I can kind of understand what he means, in today's society a lot of pressure is put on children. They have to perform in every kind of way, that's why we start to see stress with children! Anyhow, I don't think this has anything to do with what we were discussing, but I can see your point.

[BlackStar]

Quote:
Originally Posted by XJnine
I can tell you from experience with my 8 year old that things can be difficult. It turns out that a girl that he's friends with in his class has a pretty bad family situation. She has a sister that openly talks about sex and other adult things in front of her. This of course led to her talking about these kind of things to the other kids in her class during recess when they were out of earshot of the school administration. Eventually some of that stuff came home because my son had no idea what this stuff meant. We promptly discussed things with him, contacted the school and the parents of the little girl but the things had already been passed on to my son.

Your right and that is exactly what i would do, but there is no spanking in this situation

.....
Hey i wanna hit my kid so you Shut up Toxic_waste


No one said you had to smack your kids all the time. All I am saying is that the use of a negative stimulus is necessary for proper training. XJnine's example is one of teaching, not training (word games, I know...) so it wouldn't be appropriate to spank.

I guess you all have grown up with the idea that spanking is a form of punishment. Didn't mow the lawn today? Smack. Got a D in History? Smack. Used Crayola Red-Orange instead of Orange-Red in your picture? Smack Smack. You little heathen, I'll beat the Devil out of you! Smack Smack Smack.

That's not what I'm suggesting. I smack my child's hand when he reaches for the electrical socket or the stove because I want him to associate those objects with pain and to associate my saying "no" to mean "stop whatever I'm doing right now". I don't want him to learn that stoves are hot by getting 3rd degree burns on his fingers. My youngest is 19 months now and understands a lot now but he didn't a year ago. I had to use a concrete form of communication then.

Ha ha, Besides many of the other comical things I've read, I'm still chuckling at those that liken raising children to training an animal.

I used that example because I thought most people would be familiar with the positive and negative reinforcement used to train animals. You can't explain to a dog, you can only encourage certain behaviors and discourage others by responding in different ways.

We all accept the fact that dogs and other animals are smart enough to learn behaviors when properly trained yet we often expect children to "just know" right from wrong. Many parents don't invest any time teaching / training children when they are young and expect them to be perfect when older. In the same way as I cannot explain things to a dog, I cannot explain to a preverbal child. I must communicate using concrete examples, one of which is the use of a little discomfort.

As I stated earlier, I am very specific in the application of physical discipline for serious or dangerous situations. If my 11 year old hit his thumb with a hammer and exclaimed "Ah F***" I wouldn't spank him. We'd have a conversation about that word, where he heard it, what he thought it meant. We've already had a conversation regarding "bad" words so I'd say "that's another one we don't use." I don't think he knows that one yet, but it doesn't really matter since he will some day.

I'm having trouble thinking of a reason for spanking my 11 year old. He knows about fire and electricity and other household dangers. We really are beyond most of those things. Perhaps I would if he started disobeying his Mom - I mean out and out disrespect and rebellion, not the "oops I forgot to do XYZ". One is a serious attitude problem, the other is immaturity. I'll just have to wait and see.

[=CDU=Above]

Gibson brought this thread up in another thread. I missed it...so; I'm post in it now.

I have four children. My two girls are 11 and 9 and the boys are 2 and 8 months.
I've never laid a hand on any one of them....not even a smack on the wrist or hand.
They are the most well mannered children that you will ever meet. Parents are constantly commenting on their perfect behavior and ask how they can accomplish the same.
My oldest daughter was recently enrolled in a gifted school.
My other daughter is quickly becoming a very talented artist like myself.
My 2 year old son can count to 30, has complete letter recognition of the entire alphabet, types his first and last name using Word on the computer, and can tell you the make and model of any one of the 150-200 Hot Wheels that he owns. I have filmed him accomplishing all of these tasks...it is the truth. He also asks to go to bed at night and is completely potty trained.

So, what is the secret?... Love.
Shower your children with love and attention. Take the time to give positive re-enforcement every time he or she does a positive thing or learns a new task. That’s it. Praise your children at every opportunity encourage them to do even more.

The children that you see acting out and throwing tantrums are doing so for attention. Some parents only show their children attention when they have to correct them. Children need attention…positive or negative...they crave it. And yes, sometimes that attention is only given in the form of discipline. That’s when the problems begin. Just my opinion.

Comparing children under 5 to dogs? That kind of thought is why some children act as such.

[markkleb]

Congrats CDU..and for your great job you will be treated to a lifetime of fantastic memories.:grin:

[BigD]

well im 16, just so you all know, telling you the experience from the kids side as best as i can remember from when i was younger

talking to your kids only works for a few years b4 they start laughing at you.

doing timeout/grounding and stuff doesnt do anything,

yelling at them does nothing but make them sad(this abides to young kids like 3-8 years old), then you parents get all mushy cuz you made your kid cry, then the kids knows he gets attention

i believe if you lay the smack down your kids will be more obidient, thats the difference between my spoiled brother who is insane and me (i got the smack down)

that doesnt mean streight up hit your kid, it means maybe like a spanking/slap here and there if they get way outa line

show no mercy, get realy angry and all up in there face, make them cry and leave and show no remorce, but then later talk to them about what they did wrong and never to do it again

oohhhh and publicly humiliating works realy well as well (kids 11+ years old)

[XJnine]

http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/0,2106,3821443a7144,00.html

An interesting study about spanking. Thought it would be appropriate for this thread even though it's a bit old now.

[Xero (1)ne]

(im 16)well i was spanked and talked to as a child(my parents tried everything) and i still misbehaved, only when they gave up did i stop trying to do w/e it was i was doing wrong
so i guess my whole goal was to go against my parents
once they gave up i had no more reason to do that wrong
every kid is different and needs punishment specific to thier needs
anyone who is looking for a "one size fits all" solution, they are goign to be in a world of hurt
and the only way you can find out how to punish your kids is trial and error

but i do believe that pain and hurt is a part of natural child development so i think that things like helmets and elbow pads is like overprotection,
i think its alot better for teh child to learn on thier own why to where a helmet instead of having thier parents tell them why, otherwise there is a higher dependancy on the parents from the child

how to be a parent:
if you turned out alright-->do wuht your parents did(1)
if you didnt turn out alright-->do the opposite(2)
if your kids are misbehaving-->do #1
if its not helping-->do #2


oh if only we could troubleshoot everything in life...